Speaking to the kids - One Pronoun

Helping Children: Words and Ways

by Carlynn McCormick

Believe it or not, using one pronoun over another can actually improve a parent-child relationship. Using I over you is one such example.

When Mom tells Jonnie, "I like it better when your bed is made in the morning," he knows she is talking about herself. But if she says, "You didn't make your bed this morning," Jonnie knows the finger is pointing directly at him.

Therefore, in getting compliance or dealing with a child's behavior problem, parents and teachers should try using I rather than you. Instead of demanding, "You stop that!" try saying, "I don't like that, so please be nice."

In doing this, a parent or teacher can take responsibility for the situation, putting it under their control. The child's attention is then free to go on to trying to please his parent or teacher, rather than on naughty behavior.

If a young child were to hit his teacher or another child the teacher might say, "I don't like to be hit." Or, "Susie doesn't like being hit." "Susie likes to look at books with you; let's go find a book."

In instances where a child is being rude, the adult could say something like, "I don't like that kind of behavior. I like it so much more when you are considerate."

When a child does something positive, it is indeed appropriate to switch to the personal pronoun you. In such cases you might say, "You do that well;" "You are such a good helper;" "You have such beautiful polite manners."

Now you put the child's attention on what he or she is doing that is right. By complimenting good actions, the child is allowed to be fully responsible and in control of his own good behavior.

Teachers and parents can easily reinforce children's positive actions by commenting on them, by being quick to notice good deeds and by being liberal with praise.

Another interesting point is that children learn almost totally by mimicry. That is, a little child watches and listens to what others do and say and copies those actions. Almost every parent has had the experience of saying something to another unaware that his or her child was listening, then being amused, or even horrified, to hear the child repeat it back word for word!

If people scream and yell around a child, the child will learn to scream and yell. If they criticize others, the child will learn to be critical. If they use bad manners around him, the child will display bad manners. But if the individuals that interact with a child are polite and kind, the child will mimic their behavior and be polite and kind too.

Educator and humanitarian Mr. L. Ron Hubbard gave the formula that brought about his own children's excellent behavior. " This comes about," he said, "because people are very polite to them. Their attitudes toward each other are based entirely on the attitudes shown them. If they are treated with great politeness, they will be polite to each other."

It appears then that a child's social behavior hinges entirely upon the attitude shown to him by the people in his life.

Carlynn McCormick is a textbook author and founder of California Ranch School Ô and HomeGrad of America.Ô Comments to author will be answered by CaliforniaRanchSchool@msn.com

If for any reason you wish to be removed from our email list please contact us at Californiaranchschool@msn.com and we will promptly remove you from our list.

Ó 2007 California Ranch School. All Rights Reserved. California Ranch School admits students of any race, color and national or ethnic origin. California Ranch School is licensed to use Applied ScholasticsT educational services. Applied Scholastics is a trademark and service mark owned by Association for Better Living and Education International and is used with its permission.